One is the loneliest number

No lie I have written this next blog post three times now. The first two times I just didn’t feel right about it for some reason. Hopefully I will be able to convey my feelings more clearly in this third revision – and yes I do revise everything I write! In fact I spend anywhere from 1 to 3 hours on each post. I am and English major which entitles me to be as big as a perfectionist as possible when it comes to writing.

First I must pause to put in my disclaimer! I hope that if you’re still reading my posts you haven’t been offended by anything I’ve said thus far. This entire blog was only to show my gratitude for the people who have helped us, share the lessons we’ve learned, and to brighten your day. I do not compare myself to others experiences nor do I count myself as an expert about anything. God teaches us things the way He intends for us to see them as individuals. With that said I would like to take you back to when Allan first lost his job.

It was a scary time. We had little savings and it seemed that there were not many jobs available. Allan had the opportunity to go to Georgia and interview for a job there. Since the majority of his family resides there it seemed like a great idea. Thanks to my uncle who worked for the airline, and my parents who gave us the money, we were able to get a buddy pass for Allan to go. Let me tell you now that standby is not the way to go! Just pay for a ticket because you never know when you’ll leave or when you’ll return.

He left with the intention of coming home in 4 or 5 days. It’s never easy when a spouse is gone whether it’s for a job, a conference, or a man weekend. You think of all the things you and your kids can stay occupied with while he’s gone. You might even start out optimistic! I know I did! I planned trips to the park, library and other landmarks. “I can do this,” I told myself. “It will only be a few days,” I said.

Well my cheeriness lasted until I found out that he wouldn’t be coming home that week. The job he interviewed for wanted him to stick around awhile longer in case he got a second interview. We couldn’t afford to fly him out again so he just stayed put. He was pampered by his parents and siblings. They made his favorite meals, took him to movies, and went out on the lake. I was so grateful he was being taken care of but couldn’t help but think who would take care of me.

So I bucked up and made the most of my solitary time alone with the kids. We went places and I planned lots of play dates and spent time at my parent’s home. But even with all the activities I still felt lonely. Sure I was with kids all day but when they went to bed there was no one to watch my DVR’d shows with me, or to laugh with, or to cheer me up when it had been a hard day. I really felt alone.

Soon one week turned in to two, then two in to three, and three in to almost an entire month before he came home. I think not knowing when he would be back was the kicker. I could handle it as long as I had a date of return. With everything so up in the air I felt helpless. My mood deteriorated as the weeks past by with no end in sight.

During those weeks though I realized how important it was to have friends. When I first moved into my neighborhood, I didn’t care about the social part of it. I was with my best friend so who needed extra people? I guess you could say our honeymoon phase lasted much longer than normal. Then as kids came and I became more involved I made a few friends but was not worried about creating relationships with other women. While Allan was gone I realized how much I had missed out on by not being a friend to others who were in similar situations. I really needed friends during that time and I’m upset at myself for not being the same friend to those who were to me while he was gone.

To all of you women who do it on a regular basis I am so grateful for you. I know many of you who have struggled at one time or another with a spouse who’s been gone for a few months with a job or been on military leave. Some of you are single, divorced or widowed.

How in the world can I complain about my meager month when many of you have done it for days, months, years, and are still doing it now? My heart and gratitude go to each of you. For getting up in the middle of the night with a sick child and then pulling yourself out of bed the next morning to a full day’s of work. For taking on all of the responsibility whether you wanted it or not, and for spending nights alone and just wanting someone to vent and laugh with. I am so grateful for the strong women in my life that do this day in and day out. You are truly an example to me.