Mr. Mom

I probably don’t have to tell you that we have a thankless job. Why is motherhood so hard? We definitely don’t get a gold star for folding an exceptionally difficult fitted sheet. Or an award for cooking a delicious meal consisting of what we had left in the cupboard. No usually we’re given more laundry, a few hours worth of grocery shopping, and a mess only to clean up again the next day.

I’m not anti motherhood because although I may gripe that my son poops in the corner of my closet and then my other son throws up after smelling the poop (true story!) I still love it. Although I’ve always had this secret sinister wish that my husband would one day find himself doing the same mundane things I did all day.

We’ve all been in the predicament of having a truly crazy day and not having time to clean the house, then working on some sort of school project your child tells you is due tomorrow, only to have your spouse come home and ask “What’s for dinner?”  At this point I would like to throw a shoe at his head. It’s in those moments that I wish my hardest that the tables were turned. Well I got what I wished for because shortly after Allan lost his job he quickly became Mr. Mom.

Our roles were reversed just like that. I was going to work almost every day kissing my husband and kids goodbye and venturing back in to a world of adults, meetings, and brown bag lunches. There are always a few things that can go wrong when you have your hubby at home all day with kids. Sometimes things don’t get clean. Sometimes if they are clean it’s not as clean as it would be if you were to do it yourself. Sometimes it bothers you that someone else has a different style of cleaning than you do.

These are small and really petty things compared to what we gained from Allan being home. First and foremost: what dad ever gets to spend that much time with their children? It was absolutely amazing to see what transpired over the summer between him and the kids.

Avoiding the problem of boredom Allan took the kids to either the pool or Seven Peaks every single day. This proved to be successful two fold.  First, it gave them something to do daily and second it wore them out so much that they would collapse in to bed at night! As an added bonus they both learned to swim! Lifeguards would blow their whistles and mothers would gasp when they saw our 2 year old jumping in the water with out floaties or a parent at his side. We would chuckle every time this happened. The kids loved spending time with their dad and learning to swim!

I have to give it up to Allan. Anyone that could potty train two kids at the same time deserves complete adoration. It was a literally dirty job that I didn’t want anything to do with. He bought them potty treats and fed them salty chips with jugs of water. He had them on a timer to go every hour and would applaud their successes. He googled potty training tips and problems and by the end of the summer he had both of them out of diapers. Even though my oldest has reverted back (that may be my fault) he had potty trained both boys!

My favorite thing happened only a few days after we had switched roles. Allan called me at work and simply said “thank you for taking care of the kids and house for the past 5 years. I don’t know how you do it.” That was what I wanted to hear. I just wanted him to know what it felt like to be home with kids all day, then have to clean a house, and then put a creative/healthy/kid friendly meal on the table! But I got much more than that. Not only did Allan recognize how hard our job is but he really tried hard to do it without complaining. I can’t say as much for my attitude on occasion. 

So sometimes the fridge was a disaster, and other times I didn’t have any clean undies, or the kids had on very badly mismatching clothes, the point is that none of it mattered. The kids got to spend quality time with their dad, I got appreciation, and many neighbors and friends benefited from Allan’s homemade chocolate chip cookies which he made weekly. So my gratitude is for my husband this post. Cheers and thanks to you for making my and the kids summer so memorable! 

The No Good Very Bad Day

My first two posts were somewhat; ahem, somber to put it lightly. In fact after writing, posting and then reading comments my eyes were drained with every tear that could be extracted from them. My husband jokingly said that maybe he should create a blog about how much I cry. In lieu, I have a much more lighthearted story.

All of us have had an experience of a cataclysmic event in our lives. Can you think back to that one thing that set the rest off? A domino effect if you will. Our catalyst was our 52 inch flat screen TV.

It is so difficult to keep toddler boys entertained. Mine are so full of energy all day long that in the winter and early spring it’s hard to find things for them to do when you have to be indoors. Not only are they destructive but they are messy. I swear I need a girl to outbalance the mess, stink, and broken articles around my home – and I’m including my husband in that! Well that day was no different. The kids had foam bats and we were playing baseball in the house. Yes I realize that was my fault but what was I to do?

Hayden (my youngest) suddenly swung the bat next to the TV and at the very tip of the bat was a hard plastic nodule that hit squarely on the screen. I jumped up in horror as I saw the crack move across the screen and then everything went black. My kids sensed the gravity of the situation because they both took off to the laundry room to hide.

I wouldn’t say that Allan was angry. Shock was more like it and there really was nothing we could do to fix it. Because it was a “bargain buy” when we got it that translated to “not fixable.” Instead we set up our tiny computer monitor to run our TV, movies, and regular computer since we had no money to replace the old one.

So that set off a series of events that we have blamed on that television set ever since! Allan lost his job a few weeks later, next the 2^nd car we were using from my parents broke down, I spent the summer slaving away in the hospital, and we miscarried. How could one TV do so much damage?

I hope all of you have met my husband. He’s very funny, he’s athletic, and he has a nerdy passion! Video games! Not so much the playing (well at first it was) but now it has turned in to a once a week podcast. Allan had a conference in Seattle that was all paid for so we decided to turn it in to a family weekend and drive up and stay with my Aunt Julie while he went to it.

Now when I say that this was a nerd fest I mean it!! There were young and middle aged men who went to hear about the latest video games coming out. When I was downtown I saw people dressed up as their favorite video game character! It’s completely bizarre to me! I mean I don’t go to conferences and dress up as my favorite character from a book! Otherwise I would be sporting some serious Jane Austen styles. No I reserve those for Halloween.

Well on one of their conference nights they had a big fundraiser downtown for The Childrens Miracle Network. Allan was entrusted with the bucket that held the cash they were collecting since he would be the ONLY sober one that night! In fact Allan said that the more drunk people got the more money they freely gave. Lesson learned – Drinking + Benefit party = No cash!

At the end of a very profitable night for the charity Allan stayed behind to clean up. As they were packing up the head owner from the website told Allan that the 32 inch flat screen TV they had purchased for the use of the party now belonged to him! He said they remembered that his son had broken our flat screen and that he was out of a job. Allan was so surprised and so grateful. Just like that our TV had been replaced.

Good times were supposed to be around the corner now that we had a new TV to replace our last catalyst catastrophe!

Then I started thinking; what things have we been blaming our misfortune on? For us it was a TV. It could be anything or any one person. The challenge is how you decide how it will affect you. For so long we blamed all the bad luck we had on that metal box. Now I am grateful because really we didn’t need that big thing in our life literally or figuratively. As soon as I was able to let that go, I realized how many blessings we’d received out of those domino effects.

So whatever your catalyst was/is/or will be remember that it will lead you to greater happiness if you let it.  

It's never too late

Who doesn’t love a delicious melt in your mouth cupcake? I know that I can never resist when tempted. I’ve been known to “take some home for my husband and kids” and ended up hoarding all of them for myself. Some of my favorite cupcakes are from The Sweet Tooth Fairy. If any of you have been there you know whether you’re a fan or not that they are rich decadent goodness.

My sister had a birthday this summer and we had a little birthday dinner get together at one of her favorite restaurants. Since I had been the one to invite the myriad of women I felt it necessary to bring at least a little cake or dessert for everyone to enjoy. What’s birthday without cake? Well I had the best intentions to get up at 3 am before I had to work at 5 am but anyone that knows me will say that is like waking a dead horse.

As the day wore on I realized I would not have time to make anything before the party. The alternative idea was to call my favorite cupcake shop and order some. As with many decadent luxuries these cupcakes came with a price, almost $3.00 per cupcake! So I decided to call anyway and see if they had any deals or coupons I could print off to make them more affordable.

I called and a man answered the phone. To this day I wish I could remember his name. I asked if they had any online or in store coupons. He answered no and asked what I wanted the cupcakes for. I explained that it was for my sister’s birthday and that I just couldn’t afford to pay full price for them. He asked me “have you been in our store before?” I replied, “oh yes, I love your cupcakes which is why I’m calling.” Then he said “well why don’t you come in and ask for me and I’ll give you a discount on a dozen cupcakes.”

After work I headed to the sweet shop and was a bit nervous at what his definition of a “discount” was. I asked for him at the register and a 30 something young man walked out and I identified myself as the woman who called him earlier. He asked me to pick any 12 cupcakes I wanted to. So I started calling off strawberry, grasshopper, red velvet, etc. until I had reached my allotted amount. He was filling the box and I waited while he put it all together.

When it came time to pay he looked up and told me my total was 12.63. My face must have shown my surprise because he repeated it again. Then my eyes welled up with tears. His perceptive face registered my eyes and hesitantly said that “it was the end of the day anyway and they would have thrown them out.” I knew he wanted me to feel better about taking them. I paid and said a very difficult thank you. I wanted to tell him what this meant to me but I didn’t. I let my pride get in the way because there were other customers waiting and I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of them, what with my story and tears.

Why didn’t I jump over the counter and embrace him? That’s what I felt like doing. He didn’t know me nor did he know that my husband was out of a job and that we had barely been able to pay our mortgage that month. I was so grateful for this absolute stranger.

I got out to the car and looked in the box to see that he had put 14 cupcakes in it.

When we are shown kindness, don’t forget to smile, thank, and embrace those who give it. Don’t let pride get in the way of showing your love because the receiver absolutely deserves every bit of it. I have thought of that man many times since that experience and I will always regret not showing my absolute appreciation for what he did for me. I know it’s not too late . . . I will go back to the shop and tell him.

It’s never too late . . .

Hello? Its Me!!

I was one of those. You know when you hear about someone else losing their job and you say “Oh that’s sad,” but you never think it will happen to you? For months I would tell people that the economy really hadn’t affected us. I was even so bold as to tell a taxi driver in Michigan who was working two jobs to pay his mortgage that Utah hadn’t really been hit as hard as everywhere else. I guess that’s when God decided to teach us a lesson.

Hi, my name is Kattie Mount and my husband is unemployed. Is that some sort of tagline? It seems to be everyone’s update status these days. My husband lost his job last April and has been unemployed ever since. Too bad an insurance company doesn’t count this as a life change because it sure feels like one.   We are going through this crisis wondering where to go from here because the fact of the matter is that Allan is a BYU Econ grad that can’t get a job. I guess I should feel lucky that it happened now and not in 10 or 15 years from now where a lot more experienced workers are also out of work wondering the same thing. They have big families, big homes, and big time debt.

So what’s a girl got to do when her husband can’t work? She becomes the sugar mama. Oh but not me. I don’t make that much - not even close. I loathe it. Not the money but the job description. If you’ve decided to stop reading at this point just hold on! I know now you’re thinking about not wanting to hear about a depressed 20 something and her woes because don’t we all have them?

You notice that the name of my blog is blessings from a recession. The whole reason I started this blog was because of a note I received just a week ago. I was extremely touched by it and it caused me to think of all the many wonderful blessings our family has received during a very difficult time in our lives. This note is one of countless notes/cards/emails of encouragement we’ve received from family, friends, and yes even strangers. So it is my hope that you find a little bit of happy in your day when you read this blog. Its purpose is to give thanks to those who have given so much to us. An attitude of gratitude of some sorts that I can share in blog form.

Before I share the note I would like to give you a few background details. Over Labor Day of this year I found out at 11 weeks that I had miscarried what would have been baby #3. If any of you have been through that you will truly know how hard it is. I thought I knew but once again the Lord knew I didn’t. I take back any thoughts I’ve ever had of “she was only 7 weeks along,” or “it’s such a common thing,” because none of these things make it any better. The fact is that as soon as you find out your having a baby you start planning. You look at baby and maternity clothes. You think of names and print off paperwork for your leave of absence. Women were born to mother because they think of every last detail before a baby ever arrives.

So knowing that here is the note that I received from Allan’s Aunt Georgia who is herself dealing with breast cancer and whom I’ve only seen three or so times.

“Dear Allan and Kattie,

Jim told me that Kattie had a miscarriage. I’m so sorry and I know that is always a great sadness for family. I’m sure you have some medical expenses and I understand that Allan is still out of work. We love you kids and hope for the best in the future. Here is a small amount of money to help toward your expenses during this difficult time.

Love, Aunt Georgia & Uncle Gene”

Just like that I turned in to a sobbing fool. A small amount of money equaled $200 to them but meant so much more to us.

My goal is to tell all of you the many experiences we’ve had over the past 6 months of really living in the thick of all of this. It’s what’s kept us alive in spirit and in physical body. Please feel free to email me with your stories so that I can post them along with mine. I want to hear what you’re grateful for and how this recession has also blessed your lives. Sharing these priceless moments encourage and uplift us all.

Love to you all, Kattie